To me, the holiday season isn't the same without watching the classic "Christmas Vacation" over and over again until the dvd skips. I would love to decorate my house with 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights but my wife would no doubt have a fit bigger than Raphie's mom did in the movie Christmas Story over the "Leg Lamp."
In any event, listed below are some of my laws, rules, and regulations that pertain to the holiday season. I hope said procedures are adhered to accordingly by all. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!
1. "Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas" must be viewed at least 8 times prior to Christmas Day. Initial viewing is to be commenced upon putting up the Christmas tree.
2. On Christmas Eve, when enjoying a cocktail or 3, do not spout off about your boss. Uncle Hank and Cousin Randy may take you literally and do something rash.
3. The movie “A Christmas Story” should be watched in its entirety. However, one should resist temptation to stick their tongue on a flag pole. Do NOT purchase a Red Rider bb gun. You'll shoot your eye out! Also, be sure to drink your Ovaltine.
4. Non-consumption of those peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kiss in the middle is a serious offense.
5. Store bought eggnog is strictly prohibited.
6. A big screen TV is the gift that keeps on giving all year long.
7. Re-gifting is not a crime.
8. If your Secret Santa gives you a case of beer, it may be time to start planning some New Year’s resolutions.
9. Despite recent trends and policies, you will not be arrested if you utter the words “Merry Christmas.”
10. When in doubt, gift card it out.
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